hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
