The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
