You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
