I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
