we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
