I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
