I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
