Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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