dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
