Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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