she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
