Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
