how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
