I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
