....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
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Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits