I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
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he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.