he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.