I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
