We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
