everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize