I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
