He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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