Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
