Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
