I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
