the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
