Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
