You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
