My friends, they love my intelligence
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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