My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
