Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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