I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
