if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
