I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
