Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
