Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
