The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
