Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were trust falling into bushes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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