make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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