Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
