I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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