I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
