I wish I only lived at night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
