I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
