Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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