a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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