and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
