I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
