This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
