I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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