I puked a lego.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
