I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
