First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
