cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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