the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
