take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
