Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
