just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
