Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
