Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
