i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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