I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
