I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
