I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
