I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
