I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she told me i tasted like america
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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