Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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